Lessons from A Tough Loss-Seth's Flag Football Team

It was perfect football weather. Parents huddled on the sidelines under umbrellas and several layers of clothing. The rain was steady through the entire 6-8 flag football semi-final game, played under the lights at the Wakefield High School synthetic field last evening. Seth's team, the Redskins, was undefeated during the regular season. The talent, particularly with some of the older kids, is impressive. Seth is among the younger group of kids, and while he is super fast and can run an opposing player down, he is just as happy to horseplay with his teammate's siblings, dribble a soccer ball on the sidelines or watch a separate game on an adjacent field.

During the playoffs, everything gets a little more serious compared to the regular season. All the kids play, but in a close game the playing time is skewed to the kids who have proven through the year to be among the better players. Seth was in a couple plays, but spent most of the game on the sidelines where he kicked a soccer ball around and tackled unsuspecting spectators.

The game was very well played by both teams and was ultimately decided in overtime. It was a tough loss for the Redskins. The season officially came to a close as the coach handed out the third place trophies. We were all cold and wet, so no one lingered to lament the season. As we walked backed to the car Seth leaned his head against by wet jacket and he didn't say a word. In the car, I turned to look behind as I backed out and saw Seth in a quiet but intense sob. I was admittedly taken aback. Could it be that he was this upset over the loss - when he barely watched the game? I stopped the car and hugged him for a good long time. When we got home, he carried the trophy with him everywhere and when he woke up this morning, he asked if he could bring the trophy to school.

As is often the case, I learned a lesson from this experience. I coach a couple teams and there are always those players who appear uninterested. As a coach - these kids can be very frustrating. Through my perception of disinterest I assumed these kids didn't care. Last night, Seth proved my assumption wrong.

This experience also confirmed a couple beliefs. First, it is okay - in certain games - to play some kids more than others. Yes - all the kids want to play. But as long as expectations are set, and the concept is presented in thoughtful way by the coach and parents, the experience can be a learning opportunity. I am also a firm believer of presenting trophies only to the teams that win or place. I am positive that if the game last night was a regular season game, Seth would not have been nearly as upset over the loss. He understood the significance of the game and he reacted accordingly. Similarly the pride he has for this trophy reflects the accomplishment attached to it.

Seth is already looking forward to next season!